Me: Writes a thank-you note along with an apology for being a difficult student at the bottom of the evaluation form…
Doctor being evaluated: Are you the sort of person who basically apologises for existing?
Me: I think it’s in our nature to just accept it is most probably our fault…sorry about that. (Mentally slams head against wall).
so i get a text to find out that one of my friends has pulled out of something we have had planed for month so i am obviously upset and pissed of they are always thinking of themselves and that they are always the victim of everything so i air my views on this then i get a text of my suposed to be best friend telling me that i am a horrible fucking person and they hate me and no longer want to be friends then her best friend twists the knife by having her say. thinking i treat everyone like shit and inferior to me.
my whole life i have been at the bottom for everything, ive been inferior to everyone in my entire life always struggling to get by always being used and ignored and picked on and bullied. never been accepted not even by my own family my mom every day reminding me she hates me my sister treating me like shit my dad using me when he needs help. all i have ever tried to do was support people help them allow them to feel the love that i always felt was missing. today has been a wake up call that i was right i cant trust anyone i am on my own there is no such thing as true friendship. i feel like giving up i just want to stay in my bed and turn my phone off so i dont have to read it i cant cope anymore the truth is i have been struggling to cope for a long time now but i never had anyone i could go to becuase no one would listen to me i am done i didnt ask for this life and i dont want it anymore.
i cant breathe again its like the walls are closing in and the air has gone.